Thanks! Your test has been submitted successfully.

Here is your scorecard:


 
Section Type Score
GROWTH
CONTRIBUTION
LOVE/CONNECTION
SIGNIFICANCE
UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY
CERTAINTY
 

What is your Primary Need??

Look at your Top 2 scores, they are important! Now I want you to scroll down and read the description for the top 2.​

IF YOUR FIRST NEED IS FOR CERTAINTY

YOUR BELIEFS

I need to feel secure, safe and comfortable and I need to make sure that I will be secure, safe and comfortable in the future. Avoiding pain is very important to me. I can't be happy when I'm uncertain about things.

How this Belief Serves You

I avoid risks and I carefully plan for the future. I'm careful and I take care of myself. People know I am predictable. I know how to be organized.

The Principles You Lost Sight Of

The future is unpredictable; all we have is the present moment. Where there is no risk, there is no gain. It is possible to be uncertain about the future, yet happy in the present.

The Consequences of Losing Sight of This Principle​

I limit my new experiences. I have trouble letting love flow when I don't feel secure and comfortable. I have trouble involving myself with people for fear that they will cause me pain. People sometimes think that I'm controlling. I may seem unenthusiastic and even boring. I am predictable at the cost of being spontaneous.

CHARACTER

Focus

I focus on stability, on habitual routines and on preparing and saving for the future. I prefer work that is stable and easy instead of work that is challenging and stretches my abilities.

Energy

I put my energy into organizing a secure and comfortable environment. I'm focused inwardly on evaluating my level of comfort-discomfort.

Health

I like to take care of myself, but my need for comfort may lead me to over eating or drinking.

What You Avoid

I tend to avoid new people and new experiences. I avoid relationships where there is not full commitment. I avoid threats and hazards. I fear not being in control.

Strengths

I am organized, reliable and dependable. I can create a home and work environment that is pleasing and where people can feel comfortable.

Communication Style

I often talk about my internal states, emphasizing whether I feel grounded, protected and safe. Words that I frequently use are: comfort, security, stability, and predictability.​

Stress

Defensiveness

I get defensive when I'm required to change my habits or to deal with new people and new situations. I can get angry when people challenge my need to feel comfortable and to have predictability in my life.

Emotions

I worry a great deal about the future. I'm very sensitive to danger and experience fear easily. I sometimes envy people who have more money or a larger income than I do.

GROWTH AND BALANCE

Your Goal

My goal is to be able to live in the present, to experience the moment without focusing on what will happen next and what the future might hold. I need to take some risks in order to reap some benefits. I need to accept that uncertainty and insecurity are a part of life.

What To Do

I need to stretch myself by learning new things and having new experiences. Instead of fear and anxiety, I need to learn to experience excitement and joy. I need to learn to enjoy a challenge. I need to develop courage and to be able to act even when I feel insecure. I need to get a reality check from others about my fears and concerns.

What Interferes with Your Goal

My wish to feel comfortable and to plan for the future interferes with my goal. I am over protective and controlling. I require too much certainty. I can be pessimistic about the future.

How Others Can Support You in Your Goal

Others can support me by introducing me to new experiences and by encouraging more spontaneity and fun. They can counter my doubts and fears in realistic ways.​

IF YOUR FIRST NEED IS FOR UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY​

Your Beliefs

I believe that happiness comes from having many different experiences and challenges that exercise my emotional, intellectual or physical range. My emotional well-being requires uncertainty, suspense and surprise. I need the excitement that comes from variety.

I believe that happiness comes from having many different experiences and challenges that exercise my emotional, intellectual or physical range. My emotional well-­‐being requires uncertainty, suspense and surprise. I need the excitement that comes from variety.

How This Belief Serves You

I have many interests. People usually see me as entertaining, dynamic, interesting and fun to be with. I can always find new things to do and new adventures. I have many friends from different backgrounds. I interact well with people of all ages and all walks of life. I am trusting and think the best of people. I'm not easily bored because I can always find something interesting to do. I'm fun loving and carefree. I'm usually upbeat and I like to enjoy life to the fullest.

The Principles You Lost Sight Of

To have balance in life there are times where the priority is stability and responsibility in relationships. Sometimes it's necessary to focus on subjects and tasks that are not particularly interesting in order to obtain rewards later on. You can't always trust everyone.

The Consequences of Losing Sight of This Principle

People sometimes feel they can’t count on me, that I am uncommitted, unreliable and don't take care of my loved ones. I can be involved in too many things at once and neglect what I need to do to make sure that I'm safe and comfortable. I can get myself into dangerous or difficult situations physically, emotionally and financially. Sometimes I can be careless about things that I know are important to me and to others. My trusting, optimistic nature makes it possible for people to take advantage of me. Studying, memorizing and sitting still can be difficult for me and may result in challenges in my career. I can become unfocused.

CHARACTER

Focus

I focus on seeking excitement and change. My focus is on what is new and interesting or challenging. While involved in an adventure, I’m planning the next one. I like suspense and exertion.​

Energy

I’m energetic and need to focus my energy on several projects. I’m focused outwardly on what there is to do next. Whether I am spectator or an active participant, I constantly seek stimulation and entertainment.​

Health

I stay fit in order to be involved in all the activities that interest me.

What You Avoid

I avoid a life of habits and routines. I don’t like to be involved in relationships that restrict me from new challenges and new experiences. I avoid boredom.​

Strengths

I’m enthusiastic, independent and fun to be with. I like to live so that there is never a dull moment. I see the glass half full. I’m a leader and I can be the life of the party. I’m not afraid of taking risks. I’m playful and optimistic.

Communication Style

I like to talk about different projects and adventures. I can be so enthusiastic in my conversation that I forget to listen to the other person or to ask their opinion. Sometimes I become restless and need to stand up and walk around during a conversation. Words that I frequently use are: fear, instability, change, chaos, entertainment, suspense, exertion, surprise, conflict and crisis.

Stress

I am stressed when I don’t have the time or the means to become involved in new challenges and adventures. A routine life stresses me. I’m upset if my physical condition prevents me from participating in activities I like. Restrictions on my freedom are very stressful to me.

Defensiveness

I get defensive when someone attempts to impose routines or schedules or to restrict my social life. I can get angry when people criticize my desire for adventure and entertainment.

Emotions

I like to feel excited, thrilled, exuberant, joyful, and adventurous. I do everything possible to avoid boredom. My ability to experience a broad range of emotions makes it easy for me to feel empathy towards others. I know I can experience what they are experiencing.

GROWTH AND BALANCE

Your Goal

My goal is to be able to have roots, stability and permanent relationships while still enjoying times of excitement and adventure. Taking good care of myself and of others has to be more of a priority for me. I need to be a better judge of character. I need to live more in the present than in the future.

What To Do

I need to focus more on the present and less on the next adventure in the future. I need to create a stable, harmonious environment for myself and to develop long lasting relationships. I need to focus on activities that are not particularly exciting but that lead to important accomplishments in the future.

What Interferes With Your Goal

There are an infinite number of new, exciting experiences that are open to me. It’s difficult to choose among them and it’s difficult to stay with what I need to focus on in the present. Sometimes I focus too much on my self and what I want. I can be easily distracted and diverted.

How Others Can Support You in Your Goal

Others can support me by encouraging me and praising me when I stick to a task that is not particularly exciting and when I take steps towards taking care of myself and providing stability for myself and my loved ones. People can help me to stay in the present.​

IF YOUR FIRST NEED IS FOR SIGNIFICANCE

Your Beliefs

I believe that happiness comes from feeling respected and important. I need to be considered unique and special. I need for people to look up to me and even fear me to a certain extent.

How This Belief Serves You

I work hard at being different, special, and unique. I strive to be a leader. I do whatever is necessary for people to look up to me, respect me and admire me. I never want to be a follower.

The Principles You Lost Sight Of

Sometimes love is more important than respect. It’s difficult to love someone who has to feel important all the time. Humility is an important virtue. Being admired by many but loved by few may not be conducive to happiness. “Heavy lies the head that bears the crown.” – Shakespeare –

The Consequences of Losing Sight of These Principles

People sometimes dislike me because they see me as arrogant and full of myself. I have to constantly work at being respected and admired. I have trouble letting love flow when I don’t feel important. People sometimes think that I consider myself superior to everyone. I can come across as cold and uncaring. I often find it difficult to have fun. I can be seen as close-minded. I have trouble relating to others because I focus on differences rather than commonalities. I’m overly concerned with hierarchical pecking orders.

CHARACTER

Focus

I focus on what to do to appear special, different and important. I will do almost anything to preserve my uniqueness. I focus on playing the part of someone very special. I need to feel proud of myself. I have high standards and I live by them. I evaluate myself as compared to others. I need to be heard, and sometimes “heard” to me, means being obeyed.

Energy

I constantly ask myself whether people respect me and admire me. I’m watchful to correct any signs of lack of respect. I need to feel that I make a difference in any situation. I’m disciplined, competitive, and I can be a perfectionist.

Health

If my sense of significance is tied to my appearance, endurance and strength, I will do whatever it takes to stay fit and healthy. I may injure myself by overdoing it while exercising or practicing a sport.

What You Avoid

I avoid people who don’t admire me or treat me with respect. I avoid situations where I can’t feel that I’m very important. I don’t tolerate rejection. I will do anything to avoid being over shadowed by others. I hate losing face.​

Strengths

I work hard and strive to deserve the respect and admiration I crave. I’m willing to take responsibility to the point of self-­‐sacrifice. I’m relentless in accomplishing my goals. I’m a leader. I stand up for what I believe in. I’m not afraid of risk or confrontation.

Communication Style

I often talk about my accomplishments, my sacrifices, my intelligence, my strengths and my attractiveness. I can be seen as overriding others’ view. Some of the words that I frequently use are: pride, importance, standards, achievement, performance, perfection, evaluation, discipline, competition and rejection.

Stress

I am stressed when I feel that I’m not living up to my standards. Not being respected and heard stresses me out, as well as feeling that I’m not a leader. I feel pressure to achieve prestige, power and status. I’m stressed from doing too much and from not being in touch with my values.

Defensiveness

I get defensive at the slightest criticism and when people tell me what to do. Anything that implies that I’m a follower, instead of a leader, puts me on the defensive.

Emotions

I experience despair, anger and rage when I’m not living up to my standards and not accomplishing my goals. I can get angry when people disagree with my values, beliefs and leadership. I can be impatient and irritable.

GROWTH AND BALANCE

Your Goal

My goal is to be loved for who I am, not because of my accomplishments or because of the respect and admiration of others. I need to learn to value love and connection more than respect and admiration. I need to learn to be humble and practice patience. I need to notice when my standards are too high. I need to self-­‐sacrifice less and love myself more.

What To Do

I need to get involved in experiences where I won’t get any admiration or special respect. I need to work less and love myself more. I need to indulge in pleasurable experiences just for the sake of pleasure. I need to relax. I need to pay attention to feelings and relationships.

What Interferes With Your Goal

My constant need to feel special, important and a leader, interfere with my goal. The high standards I hold myself to, and my willingness to sacrifice interfere with my goal.

How Others Can Support You in Your Goal

Others can help me with my goal by introducing me to interesting, challenging or fun experiences at which I’m not an expert. They can reassure me that they love me for who I am and not for my accomplishments. They can remind me to slow down and encourage me to work less and play more.​

IF YOUR FIRST NEEDS IS FOR LOVE/CONNECTION

Your Beliefs

In order to feel worthy I need to love and be loved. I need to have meaningful connections with people. If I’m not loved and I can’t give my love, I’m worthless.

How This Belief Serves You

I’m kind a generous to those I love and I can be fiercely protective of them. I’m nurturing and responsible.​

The Principles You Lost Sight Of

You must love yourself first. You are not indispensable to others. To be loved is not equal to being needed.​

The Consequences of Losing Sight of This Principle

In thinking of others first, I repress my own needs. I can become intrusive. Often I’m unable to say “no.” Because by giving to others I expect to be loved, I’m often disappointed. I’m often not aware of my own needs. I can be intrusive without realizing it.

CHARACTER

Focus

My focus is on the relationships with those I love and on how to satisfy their needs. I have great empathy for the feelings and emotions of others. I expect to be loved in return.

Energy

My focus is on understanding others and meeting their needs. I like to feel that I can help and I’m proud of being able to do so. I need people’s approval and acceptance. I have high energy when it comes to giving. I crave romantic love.

Health

I may be so focused on taking care of others that I neglect my own health.

What You Avoid

I will do almost anything to avoid feeling dispensable. I avoid disappointing others and feeling unappreciated. It’s hard for me to tolerate rejection.​

Strengths

I’m generous, sensitive, supportive and helpful. I relate well to people of all ages and all walks of life. I’m a good companion and listener. I give good advice. I give freely of my time, energy and material possessions. I empathize with suffering. I have emotional depth.

Communication Style​

I am focused on others and I’m friendly and open. I express myself well and I’m quick to give advice. I’m supportive. Words that I frequently use are: togetherness, passion, unity, warmth, tenderness, and desire. Sometimes people experience me as emotionally intense.

Stress

I am stressed when I’m not appreciated for all I give and when I’m not loved in return. I’m also stressed when sometimes people perceive me as intrusive or controlling. Feeling needed by so many people is stressful and my confusion about my own needs doesn’t help. I invest too much in challenging relationships. I sometimes envy what others have and what is not emotionally available to me.

Defensiveness

I get defensive when people tell me how to live, especially when they insist I should give less to others. I can get angry if I feel controlled and if people attribute bad intentions to me. I can get enraged when people are cruel. I can also become defensive when I feel misunderstood.

Emotions

I worry a great deal about others. I can easily attribute blame to myself and/or to others. I sometimes experience resentment and I have angry outbursts when I don’t feel appreciated or I’m treated inconsiderately. When I’m away from those I love, I feel great pain in missing them. I often feel possessive about those I love. I feel deeply and I’m idealistic. I long for what is missing in my life. I can be very emotional and sink into depression.

GROWTH AND BALANCE

Your Goal

I need to take care of myself better and to be more aware of my own needs. I need to feel that I can be loved for who I am, not for what I give.​

What To Do

I need to practice setting limits on what I give. I need to develop clarity about my own needs and how to satisfy them. I need to be sensitive to when I can be seen as intrusive or controlling. I need to honor my feelings and my idealism.​

What Interferes With Your Goal

My need to help and to give to those I love interferes with my goal. I often feel guilty when I pay attention to my own needs. My feelings of pride for not paying attention to my needs interfere with my goal, as does my fear of being selfish. I have difficulty in asking for anything and in receiving from others. I believe that I am loved based on what I give.

How Others Can Support You In Your Goal

Others can model on my independence instead of becoming dependent on what I give. Others could ask me about my needs and pay attention to them. Give me appreciation for what I give and also appreciate whenever I say “no.” People could focus on understanding me instead of trying to change me.​

IF YOUR FIRST NEED IS FOR GROWTH

Your Beliefs

I need to constantly develop new skills, learn new things, and improve at what I already know. I have to develop my self physically, emotionally, intellectually and/or spiritually. I need to be constantly growing.

How This Beliefs Serves You

There is always a new challenge and something new to learn. I’m not dependent on others in order to find joy in learning. I’m self sufficient and active in my pursuits. I’m not attached to material possessions. It’s not about what I have; it’s about what I know and what I’m able to do.

The Principles You Lost Sight Of

Connecting and giving to others can be more fulfilling than acquiring new knowledge and skills. There can be more pleasure in sharing than in accumulating.

The Consequences of Losing Sight Of This Principle

I can be seen as reserved and unwilling to share. I can become detached and overly private. I tend to under value relationships.​

CHARACTER

Focus

I focus on learning, studying, developing my skills and being the best I could possibly be.

Energy

I conserve my energy and focus away from feelings in order to learn everything there is to be learned. I am self-­‐contained and I set careful limits to protect my time and privacy.

Health

If my need to grow is tied to developing physically, I will do whatever is necessary to stay healthy and fit.​

What You Avoid

I will do anything to avoid feeling inadequate or drained. I avoid demands and intrusions on the privacy that allows me to focus on my own personal growth.​

Strengths

I’m respectful of others. I’m thoughtful, calm and dependable. I like to think that I’m a model of self-improvement for others.​

Communication Style

Because I like to focus on content and facts, people might see me as distant. Words that I use frequently are: I, me, my self, know, learn, grow, develop, understand, analyze, accomplish, goals.

Stress

I’m stressed when I feel tired or dependent on others. Intrusions on my privacy are stressful to me.

Defensiveness

I become defensive when there are intrusions or limitations on what I want to do. I can become angry when people interfere with my need for privacy.​

Emotions

I’m careful when expressing emotions but I can have outbursts of temper when I feel intruded upon.

GROWTH AND BALANCE

Your Goal

My goal is to be able to pursue my growth while enjoying relationships and connection with people. I need to be able to experience joy and pleasure in many ways, not just by learning.

What To Do

I need to find balance in life by focusing more on others, rather than on my own growth and development. I need to experience pleasure in giving, to be less reserved and give priority to love and relationships. I need to take better care of those I love.

What Interferes With Your Goal

The belief that I’m not worthy if I don’t constantly improve myself. The importance that I give to privacy interferes with my goal. I need to recognize that I can appear self-­‐centered.

How Others Can Support You In Your Goal

Others can appreciate my ability to be self sufficient and independent as well as my willingness to live and let live, while at the same time encouraging me to be more social and loving.​

IF YOUR FIRST NEED IS FOR CONTRIBUTION

Your Beliefs

Life is incomplete without the sense that one is making a contribution to others or to a cause. I have to go beyond my own needs and give to others. I want to give back and to leave a mark on the world.

How This Belief Serves You

By focusing on something beyond myself, most of my problems and sources of pain become less significant. I get certainty because I know that there is always a way to contribute. I have variety because there are many different ways of making a contribution. I have significance because I know I am helping others. The spiritual bond that develops by helping others gives me a sense of connection. I grow and develop by helping others.​

The Principles You Lost Sight Of

I lose sight of the fact that charity begins at home. I care for so many people or for such an important cause that I sometimes neglect taking care of my self and my loved ones.

The Consequences of Losing Sight of These Principles

A consequence is that my physical, emotional or spiritual health may suffer. I sometimes neglect my personal relationships and people can become resentful of the time and energy I put into a cause.

CHARACTER

Focus

My focus is on the world, a cause, how to help others, how to contribute.

Energy

I’m energetic and focused outwardly to the point that I can exhaust myself.

Health

I would like to stay healthy, but my need to contribute may drive me to neglect myself and my health.

What You Avoid

I avoid being weak, dependent and powerless. I don’t want to lose the respect of the people I care about.​

Strengths

I’m brave, persistent, generous and assertive.

Communication Style

I’m energetic and firm but can be seen as controlling and disregarding of others’ opinions. Words that I use frequently are: ideals, justice, the cause, fairness, compassion, and giving.

Stress​

I can over exert myself and suffer from fatigue. Injustice stresses me. It’s difficult for me to restrain myself from being confrontational in the face of unfairness or injustice.

Defensiveness

I become defensive with people who try to control me and with people that are deceitful. I’m defensive when people are indifferent to important causes and ideals.

Emotions

I’m enthusiastic and outgoing but I can become angry and confrontational.

GROWTH AND BALANCE

Your Goal

My goal is to find a balance between taking care of myself, my loved ones, and my need to contribute to the larger good.​

What I Need To Do

I need to notice that I can come across as too intense. I need to take care of myself. I need to take care of my relationships.​

What Interferes With Your Goal​

Contribution satisfies all my needs at such a high level that I often ignore my own needs and neglect my self and others. My lifestyle can lead to exhaustion. My need to always be strong and deny my vulnerability interferes with my goal.

How Others Can Support You in Your Goal

Others can encourage me to take care of my self and to express my vulnerabilities. They can stand their ground in expressing what they need from me in terms of attention and energy.

TYPES BY FIRST TWO NEEDS

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR CERTAINTY AND FOR UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY

I am in inner turmoil and conflict since these are conflicting needs. Sometimes I want stay put, be comfortable and make sure that I feel safe and secure. At other times I seek change, variety in my activities, and suspense. I want to take risks and feel excited. This inner conflict affects my relationships since people aren’t sure of what it is that I truly want, and therefore they don’t know how to help me to fulfill my needs. When I have certainty, I crave uncertainty/variety. And when I have uncertainty/variety, I crave certainty. It often seems to me that I will never have enough of either one. At work, I need a comfortable, organized, predictable environment, yet I also need uncertainty, new experiences and challenges, which might be disconcerting to fellow workers.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR CERTAINTY AND FOR SIGNIFICANCE

I am in inner conflict because significance can only be accomplished by comparing yourself to others, by being competitive, being out there in the world and by taking risks. On the other hand, I don’t want to be competitive, to take risks or to be out there in the world. Because of my need for certainty I have trouble involving myself with people, yet I can only satisfy my need for significance by comparing myself to others. I need the certainty of knowing that I’m significant and important, and this makes it difficult to get along with me. It’s difficult for me to truly love and take care of others because I am so focused on my inner feelings.​

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR CERTAINTY AND FOR LOVE/CONNECTION

It’s important for me to distinguish whether it is certainty or love/connection that is my number one need. If certainty is number one, my love will not flow easily, since I need to feel certain before I can freely give love, and certainty is very difficult to accomplish. If love/connection is my number one need, my love will flow, even when I don’t feel certain and I will be able to love and be loved. Yet, the need for certainty, even when it is my need number two, will put restraints on my ability to love and to connect to others. I have trouble at work if I feel that the work environment is not comfortable, organized, predictable and if I don’t feel connected and appreciated by others.​

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR CERTAINTY AND FOR GROWTH

My inner conflict is that I want to feel comfortable, safe, and secure. I need a predictable environment and I don’t want to take risks. Yet to grow, I need to put myself out there, take risks, extend the limits of my comfort and stretch myself. To satisfy my need for certainty, I prefer to avoid new people and new situations. To satisfy my need for growth I need to become involved with new people and new situations. This inner conflict preoccupies me and makes it difficult for people to help me to satisfy my needs, since they don’t know whether certainty or growth are more important to me. One way I can resolve this dilemma is that I can always be certain that I can grow, because there are always new things to learn and new skills to be developed. The way to resolve my conflict is to satisfy my need for certainty by always growing. I might have difficulties at work if I don’t feel that I’m growing and, at the same time, that I am in comfortable, organized, predictable environment.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR CERTAINTY AND FOR CONTRIBUTION

If certainty means that I cannot take risks, that everything has to be predictable and that I must always feel comfortable, then certainty and contribution are conflicting needs. In order to contribute, I need to put myself out there, take risks and the results are not always predictable. However, if I can satisfy my need for certain by contributing, then there is no inner conflict. I can always be certain that I will contribute. Everyone can contribute beyond oneself and I can be sure that I will find ways of making a contribution to others. At work, my need for certainty might interfere with my need to contribute to the people I work with, if I feel they are not collaborating sufficiently in creating a predictable, organized work environment.​

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY AND FOR SIGNIFICANCE

I have the inner conflict that I like uncertainty, variety, suspense, risk and yet I want to always feel important, significant. When there is uncertainty and things are unpredictable, I cannot be sure that I will experience the sense of being important and significant that I crave. Yet if I don’t face uncertainty, I can’t be sure that I will feel significant enough. My need for both uncertainty/variety and significance can sometimes lead me to be too competitive and confrontational with people, and therefore it can be difficult to get along with me. One solution to my inner conflict is for me to experience significance precisely because I’m capable of experiencing uncertainty and variety, rather than because I’m more important and more competitive than others. I may be a difficult person to work with because I want to always feel important and my need for uncertainty/variety interferes with the ability to be organized and efficient. My need for both significance and uncertainty/variety may lead me to neglect my health and to risk injuries in sports and other activities.​

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY AND FOR LOVE/CONNECTION

It is difficult for me to have a stable, long-­‐term relationship with a partner or spouse. There are too many tempting possibilities for uncertainty and variety out there. I might seek to satisfy my need for uncertainty/variety by getting involved with other people that threaten my primary relationship or by getting involved with activities that take me away from my partner. This conflict is exacerbated if the number one need is uncertainty/variety and love/connection is second, because it will be difficult for me to love and take care of the people that are important in my life. If love/connection is the first need and uncertainty/variety is second, it will not be easy but I will be able to give priority to the ones I love instead of to my need for new experiences. Work may be difficult for me if I don’t feel there are sufficient variety and a good connection with the people I work with. In terms of health, I might exhaust myself trying to give enough time to fulfilling both my need for love/connection and for love.​

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY AND FOR GROWTH

These needs are not incompatible or conflicting and I will be able to satisfy my need for uncertainty/variety through my personal growth, and my need for growth through new experiences that give me the uncertainty/variety that I need. However, because these are my two most important needs, I tend not to focus sufficiently on relationships and on the people I care about. People might feel that I don’t give them enough and that I don’t truly love them. Work may be difficult for me if I don’t feel that there is sufficient variety and opportunity for growth. In terms of health and safety, I might take too many risks that may result in injuries or health problems.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY AND FOR CONTRIBUTION

These needs are not incompatible or conflicting and I will be able to satisfy my need for uncertainty/variety by contributing to others, and I will be able to satisfy my need for contribution by finding different ways of contributing. However, because these are my two most important needs, I tend not to focus sufficiently on relationships and on the people I care about. People might feel that​ I don’t give them enough and that I don’t truly love them. Work may be difficult for me if I don’t feel that there is sufficient variety and opportunity to contribute. In terms of health and safety, I might take too many risks that may result in injuries or health problems.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR SIGNIFICANCE AND FOR LOVE/CONNECTION

I will have trouble fulfilling my need for love/connection because it’s difficult to love someone who has to feel important all the time. I have a better chance if love/connection is my first need, but even so I will experience difficulties. I have a hard time experiencing love/connection when I don’t feel important and respected at the same time. I sometimes try to feel connected and loved because I’m so important and this is precisely what pushes people away from me. If I feel insignificant, I feel unloved and I might attempt to feel connected through confrontation and intimidation. This makes it difficult to work with me and to be in a long-­‐term stable relationship.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR SIGNIFICANCE AND FOR GROWTH

My inner conflict is that to grow I have to be willing to accept that there are new things for me to learn and new skills that I can develop. Yet, sometimes my need to feel significant makes me think that I already know everything. This inner conflict is more troubling if significance comes first and growth comes second. When growth is first, I can satisfy my need for significance by growing, developing new skills and learning. Because these are my two most important needs, people might feel that I’m not sufficiently connected to them and that I don’t’ care enough for them. I might be difficult to work with because I’m so focused on myself. I tend to take good care of my health when it’s part of my need to feel that I’m growing and that I’m important.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR SIGNIFICANCE AND FOR CONTRIBUTION

My inner conflict is that to fulfill my need to contribute, I have to focus on others, and not on myself; and to fulfill my need for feeling important and significant, I have to focus on myself and not on others. This inner conflict can be resolved if I’m able to satisfy my need for significance through the contributions I make to others. Because these are my two most important needs, family members and important people in my life might feel that I’m not sufficiently connected to them and that I don’t care enough about them. I might be difficult to work with because I’m so focused on what is important to me. I might neglect my health if I feel that taking care of myself physically and emotionally interferes with my need to gain importance and to make a contribution.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR LOVE/CONNECTION AND FOR GROWTH

My inner conflict is that my need for personal growth interferes with putting enough focus and energy on connecting with others and on giving and receiving love. In order to grow, I have to focus on myself and not on others; and in order to satisfy my need for love/connection, I have to focus on others and not on myself. This inner conflict can be resolved if I’m able to satisfy my need for growth through love and connection to others. When growth is my first need, I may not be able to feel loved and connected unless I feel I’m growing. When love/connection comes first, I may not be able to feel that I’m growing unless I’m connected and loved. I often want my spouse or partner to participate in my growth experiences so I can feel connected and loved through growth.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR LOVE/CONNECTION AND FOR CONTRIBUTION

If my need for contribution comes first, I have trouble with those I love as they might feel that contributing to others or to the world is more important to me than they are. This conflict is less severe if my first need is for love/connection and contribution is second, since I will only be able to fulfill my need for contribution if I feel love and connection. This conflict is resolved if my need to contribute is in great part fulfilled through my need to give love to others. I often want my spouse or partner to participate in the contributions I make so I can feel connected and loved through contribution.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR GROWTH AND CONTRIBUTION

I might have trouble with those I love because they may feel that my need to grow and to contribute is more important to me than they are. They might feel neglected and resentful. This conflict can be resolved if my need for growth and contribution includes contributing to those I love and helping them to grow in the ways that they want to grow. I might have conflicts with my spouse or partner if I want him/her to value growth and contribution in the same way I do.​

COUPLES BY FIRST TWO NEEDS

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR GROWTH & CONTRIBUTION AND YOUR PARTNER’S FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR CERTAINTY & LOVE/CONNECTION

You may complement each other very well, with each of you giving attention to areas where the other is lacking. However, it is possible that you may feel that your partner is clinging to you and needs too much reassurance that you care and that you are there for him/her. Your partner might feel that you are too interested in your own personal development and in giving to others rather than to him/her.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR CERTAINTY & UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY AND YOUR PARTNER’S FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR CERTAINTY & SIGNIFICANCE

Even though you are compatible in that both of you need certainty, you may have conflicts over your need for uncertainty/variety and your partner’s need for significance. Your partner may feel neglected and unappreciated when you follow your many interests. Also, your partner may not be willing to go along with your need for uncertainty/variety because he/she won’t feel significant while engaging in new activities in which he/she is not an expert. It may be difficult for your partner to be sympathetic about your inner conflict between your need for certainty and your need for uncertainty/variety.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR CERTAINTY & UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY AND YOUR PARTNER’S FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR CERTAINTY & LOVE/CONNECTION

Even though you are compatible in that both of you need certainty, you may have conflicts because your partner might feel that your many interests are more important to you than your love for him/her. Your partner may be the stay-­at‐home type that just wants to be close to you while you have a strong need for engaging in outside activities to meet your desire for uncertainty/variety.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR CERTAINTY & UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY AND YOUR PARTNER’S FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR CERTAINTY & GROWTH

You are probably very compatible, although your partner may enjoy activities that involve learning and developing new skills while you might enjoy activities that involve suspense and risk. However, you share your need for stimulation and new experiences. You have to watch out for the possibility that your need for variety may take you in one direction while his/her need for growth may take him/her in a different direction and you will lose touch with each other.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR CERTAINTY & UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY AND YOUR PARTNER’S FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR CERTAINTY & CONTRIBUTION

You are probably very compatible in that focusing outside of yourselves is important to both of you. However, your need for variety may take you in one direction, while your partner’s need for contribution might lead her/him in a different direction and you might lose touch with each other.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY & SIGNIFICANCE AND YOUR PARTNER’S FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY & LOVE/CONNECTION

Both of you have inner conflicts. You are conflicted in that uncertainty/variety and significance are in many ways incompatible. You need to feel respected and important but for variety you have to engage in activities at which you are not an expert. Your partner has an inner conflict in that uncertainty/variety and love/connection are in many ways incompatible with maintaining a stable couple’s relationship. Your partner’s need for uncertainty/variety leads her/him to connect with new people while you want to satisfy your need for significance by getting all of her/his attention. Your partner may see you as arrogant and you may see your partner as needy. You will have to be careful to satisfy your partner’s need for love/connection and your partner has to be careful to give you the significance that you crave.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY & LOVE/CONNECTION AND YOUR PARTNER’S FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY & GROWTH

Even though you are compatible in that you both need uncertainty/variety, you might feel that your partner doesn’t give you enough love/connection and your partner might feel that you don’t help her/him enough in engaging in growth activities. She/he might see you as needy while you might see she/him as too detached.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY & GROWTH AND YOUR PARTNER’S FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY & CONTRIBUTION

You are very compatible in that you both need uncertainty/variety and also because growth and contribution are similar in that they are spiritual needs. However, one or both of you may become so focused on all the possible ways of growing and contributing that you might lose sight of each other. You will need to make sure that you share some of your activities and interests.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR SIGNIFICANCE & LOVE/CONNECTION AND YOUR PARTNER’S FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR SIGNIFICANCE & GROWTH

It’s difficult for you to feel loved or to give love unless you feel respected and important; and it’s difficult to love someone who constantly needs to feel respected and important. Your partner can’t grow unless he/she feels respected and important; and it’s difficult to grow if one doesn’t approach the learning process with humility. So both of you have inner conflicts. Your partner may see you as needy and you may see your partner as detached and indifferent to you. Also, you probably find yourselves competing for who is more important, more significant. One solution is for you to find significance in giving and receiving love and for your partner to find significance in growing.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR SIGNIFICANCE & GROWTH AND YOUR PARTNER’S FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR SIGNIFICANCE & CONTRIBUTION

Even though you seem compatible in that you both have a strong need for significance, it’s difficult to have two sovereigns sitting on one throne. You may find that you compete as to who is more important. The need for growth and the need for contribution are similar and compatible except that they might take you in two different directions and you might lose touch with each other. Your partner may feel that you are too self-­‐centered and you might feel that your partner gives too much to others.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR LOVE/CONNECTION & GROWTH AND YOUR PARTNER’S FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR LOVE/CONNECTION & CONTRIBUTION

The chances are that you have an outstanding relationship in that both of you value and need love and connection, and because growth and contribution are similar in that they are both spiritual needs. When your need for growth takes you in one direction and his/her need for contribution leads him/her in another direction, you have to be careful to remember that love and connection is very important to both of you and will bring you together.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR GROWTH & CONTRIBUTION AND YOUR PARTNER’S FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR GROWTH & CONTRIBUTION

You are very compatible in that you have the same needs, but you need to be careful of not going in different directions and losing sight of each other.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR GROWTH & LOVE/CONNECTION AND YOUR PARTNER’S FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR GROWTH & LOVE/CONNECTION

You are very compatible and you probably have an outstanding relationship because you both value and need love/connection so strongly. You just have to be careful that your growth activities don’t take you in different directions where you might lose touch with each other.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR GROWTH & SIGNIFICANCE AND YOUR PARTNER’S FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR GROWTH & SIGNIFICANCE

You are very similar but not necessarily compatible because you might find yourselves competing for who is more important. Your growth activities may take you in different directions and you might derive so much significance from growing that you might lose touch with each other.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR GROWTH & UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY AND YOUR PARTNER’S FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR GROWTH & UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY

You need to be careful to share at least some of your activities so that you don’t get so involved outside of the relationship that you lose touch with each other. You can have an outstanding relationship if you are careful of not neglecting one another.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR GROWTH & CERTAINTY AND YOUR PARTNER’S FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR GROWTH & CERTAINTY

You have the same inner conflict because growth always involves some uncertainty, which is difficult for you to tolerate. You can be very compatible as long as you use some of the same vehicles to fulfill your needs for certainty and growth. Otherwise, you may grow apart from each other.​

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR LOVE/CONNECTION & SIGNIFICANCE AND YOUR PARTNER’S FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR LOVE/CONNECTION & SIGNIFICANCE

You both have the same inner conflict in that you crave love but you need to feel important and respected; and it’s difficult to love someone who needs to feel important all the time. You need to be careful to make love/connection more important than significance. Watch out for not withholding your love unless you feel respected and important.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR LOVE/CONNECTION & UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY AND YOUR PARTNER’S FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR LOVE/CONNECTION & UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY

Both of you need to be careful to make love/connection more important than uncertainty/variety. Otherwise you run the risk of becoming too involved in activities outside the relationship and lose touch with each other. If you have the same vehicles for satisfying your need for uncertainty/variety, you can be very compatible and you can have a fun and wonderful relationship.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR LOVE/CONNECTION & CERTAINTY AND YOUR PARTNER’S FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR LOVE/CONNECTION & CERTAINTY

Both of you need to be careful not to make the giving and receiving of love conditional on the amount of certainty you feel. You need to be able to tolerate some degree of uncertainty and still let your love flow.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR SIGNIFICANCE & UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY AND YOUR PARTNER’S FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR SIGNIFICANCE & UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY

Both of you have to be careful to help each other to fulfill these needs. The risk is that each of you might find so much significance outside the relationship and/or enjoy so much uncertainty/variety outside the relationship, that you lose touch with each other. You need to give each other enough significance and to share at least some of the activities that give you variety.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR SIGNIFICANCE & CERTAINTY AND YOUR PARTNER’S FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR SIGNIFICANCE & CERTAINTY

You need to fulfill each other’s need for significance so you don’t find it outside the relationship. You need to be able to share at least some of the vehicles that give you certainty.

IF YOUR FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY & CERTAINTY AND YOUR PARTNER’S FIRST TWO NEEDS ARE FOR UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY & CERTAINTY

Both of you have an internal tug of war between the need for certainty and the need for variety. You need to help each other to satisfy these needs with reasonable vehicles that you share so that you don’t lose touch with each other.