How to Make Envy Work for You

Envy may seem unpleasant, but it can also have its upside. It’s disturbing to feel like you’re missing out on something when a colleague receives a promotion you wanted or your best friend is planning her wedding while you’re trying to find a date.

On the other hand, envy may provide insights you can use to understand yourself better and enhance your relationships. Learn how to face up to your true feelings so you can prevent and manage those nagging resentments.

Tips for Preventing Envy

1. Avoid comparisons. Envy crops up when you compare yourself to someone else. It’s a natural tendency, but it can cause a lot of unhappiness. Focus on your own growth and performance. Work at competing with yourself to beat your own past record.

2. Cultivate gratitude. Envy shines a spotlight on what you think you’re missing. Remind yourself of your blessings. List your talents and review your success stories.

3. View others realistically. You probably idealize the individuals who you admire. In reality, each of us faces hardships and disappointments. You may feel more sympathetic toward your rivals when you realize they experience headaches and broken hearts just like you.

4. Teach someone. Turn things around by connecting with someone who looks up to you. Share your marketing expertise with the summer interns. Volunteer to coach gymnastics at your children’s school or sign up to be a chemistry tutor.

5. Think long term. It’s reassuring to consider how resentments fade with time. Eventually you may stop longing for your neighbor’s boat the same way you forgot about your sister’s Barbie dolls.

6. Step back. Similarly, we tend to compare ourselves to those close to us. If you seldom worry about how you stack up against Leonardo or Einstein, why care if someone at work codes faster than you?

7. Celebrate others’ victories. Most of all, take pleasure in the good things that happen to others. It’s one of the most effective ways to stave off envy.

Tips for Managing Envy

1. Open up. Acknowledge your envy instead of trying to cover it up. Uncovering your secrets will loosen their hold on you.

2. Ask for advice. Forget about beating your competition. You’ll have more to show for your efforts if you concentrate on learning from them. If a former classmate launches a new business, invite her out to lunch to pick up some pointers.

3. Examine your friendships. Are you living vicariously through your friends? Coveting your friends’ exotic travels or adult education courses could reveal what you really want to be doing. Pursue your own dreams with a plan that fits your budget and schedule. It’s more satisfying to take action than sit on the sidelines.

4. Build on your strengths. Psychologists suggest that there are two forms of envy. When you feel inferior, you may be prone to depression. Cheer up by looking at the areas where you excel.

5. Accept injustice. The other form of envy is when you feel life is unfair and you deserve the good fortune that others experience. Adjusting your attitude will make you more resilient and content. Some events are beyond your control, but you can decide how you respond.

6. Spread good will. You can minimize the negative consequences of envy by resisting the urge to lash out at others. Dissolve tensions by being extra kind and generous. You’ll safeguard your relationships and your own peace of mind.

Stop envy from turning you into a green-eyed monster. Head off resentments before they begin and channel any competitive feelings into a positive direction.

GlenMurdoch